Today when my mother called to check in I asked if I could go buy some fabric so my teacher would stop nagging me about it. she said yes.
then about an hour later my grandmother asked me to put up the sun setter, and was told I did it wrong…then later i was shown the proper way of doing it…after that felt like shit.
Later my mother came home, and even though i had a pretty rough school day, and the shit with the sun setter. I greeted her with a smile, and got scolded. Gas went up, and some how she made me feel like that was my fault. So i told her i would stay home.
After that I just sat on my bed staring off into the distance coming up with an excuse for tomorrow. My mother scolded me for not going and throwing a tantrum. After a mini-panic attack I resovled to go, because…I’m just stupid, I don’t know.
I got up stairs ready to go when I was…once again severly scoulded for going. Then she basically told me I’m nothing but trouble. And I should stop being such a cry-baby.
Now, I sit in my room balling trying not to go into a full panic attack, but my efforts may be in vain. I know my mother loves me, and cares, but when she pulls this…I don’t think straight. I know this may be bad to put in public, but I don’t give two fucks right now.
My face is stiff from the tears running down my cheeks, and I can’t breathe. My head hurts, and I can’t help but think I’m just acting like a little crybaby. Down to the last couple weeks, and pressure is really building. I may be stupid and all that shit, but if something doesn’t give I’m going to go in to a full out panic attack…most likely at school. I feel trapped, because I don’t have a safe place to let my emotions out, and tumblr is the closest thing I have.
I know i’m a cry baby, and I aplogize for the inconveniences i have placed on anyone’s dashboard.